A Brother’s Heart to Heart | {THE AND} Tom & Dan

A Brother’s Heart to Heart | {THE AND} Tom & Dan


– How do you think your
parents would react if you brought me home as your partner? (laughing) – Oh my God. Wow, I was not expecting that. (computer mouse clicking) – Oh, this is like the most
skin deep question ever, I feel like. What do you think I’m
hesitant to tell you? – I don’t know, you have a child? – That’s what you think
I’m hesitant to tell you? (laughing) I would not hesitate to tell you that. I would tell you that
immediately and been like what. – I think I would find out about
your kids before you would. – Yeah. – Yeah. I don’t know, is there something
you’re hesitant to tell me, that you wanna break on YouTube? – Not really, that I can think of. – Yeah. – Is there something
you’re hesitant to tell me? – Oh. – Is that the reverse of that? – Yeah, no, I mean again,
I don’t really think there’s much that we haven’t shared. – All right, I’ll do another one. – Oh wait, that was on the form. – What was, the hesitant one? – Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on, I’ll answer this. – Okay. – Yeah, ’cause I didn’t
wanna leave it blank so I really thought about
it instead of doing work at work for like an hour. – Nice. – I struggle with being jealous
of your career sometimes. – Of my career? – Yeah, like your musical career, yeah. – Whoa, that’s wild. – ‘Cause you’re out
there doing it, you know? – Mm hmm. – Yeah, I mean I go to all
your shows and everything so it’s like an interesting
cocktail of like pride and jealousy that brings
me to tears pretty much every time after a couple
IPAs at your shows. (laughing) Yeah. – Yeah, that’s just so funny to me. I feel like we’ve even
talked about this before. But I feel like we both
want, like really want, aspects of each other’s lives, you know. Like I don’t see how anyone can be jealous of my current situation. – It’s a grind and I know it
is because you tell me about it but, you know, just like the fulfillment. – Yeah, that I get. – Yeah. – But then it’s like I am super jealous of not having to worry about
how you’re gonna pay your rent or like, fuck, I got drunk this weekend so I can’t eat Monday or something, it’s just like, that, I don’t
want to deal with anymore and I guess it’s funny ’cause
my barometer of success is like not as much
fulfillment and is more like the security thing or
like feeling comfortable and feeling safe and feeling like you can provide for yourself and for
the people that you love. To me that’s success
and to me you have that. – So we’re both measuring
success in terms of things that we feel we don’t have. – Yeah, yeah. – That’s dark. – Some dark shit, but at least one of us
has each one of them. – Yeah, I mean I totally
live vicariously through you whenever I see your shows. – Yeah, and I do when I like
drink your booze and food. – And sit on my couch. – Sit on the couch, yeah. – Do your best impression of me. (sighing) – Which Dan should I do? – Whatever you want. (laughing) – Let me think. – Are there that many? – Yeah. No Katy, no, we’re not, we can’t just go get pizza right now. We can’t just leave and go get pizza, you wanna get pizza? You really wanna get pizza? All right, all right, let’s go get pizza. – I’m always down to get pizza. – Yeah, but that’s like. – Try another one ’cause like. – Okay. – Interesting how the first
thing that I say is Katy. – Yeah, always. – Yeah. – I just love her so much. – Again. – And I don’t, I don’t know what to do but I’m doing everything
right and it’s fine but I just love her so much and I just, I don’t know, I think, I don’t know, let’s
get pizza or something. Something like that. – I guess that does take
up like 90% of my life is Katy and whether or
not we’re getting pizza. – Yeah, at least when I’m around that seems to be the conversation. – That’s fair. – What’s mine? Do an impression of me. – I feel like it’d be really short. – That’s good, I’ve done that
like five times just now. – Yeah, that’s pretty much it. Or a lot of just like, I don’t know, let’s get drunk. – Yeah. (laughing) My turn.
– Your turn. – This is interesting. When you think about the
first time we truly met, what do you remember? – I don’t remember, yeah, I was three. If you define met, I remember the first time we met as like, kind of like adults or friends, you know, when we first like actually became close. And I think you know the story. – I like this story a lot. – Yeah. (laughing) And I think it, we’ve talked about this so I think you kind of feel the same way. So I used to climb out of
that second story window and I would smoke weed and
listen to music at night when everybody was asleep. – On that like porch roof? – Yeah, like over the back porch. And I got in and I looked
up on your top bunk and you weren’t there and I was like oh, I’m just gonna roll
this joint in the middle of the bedroom ’cause nobody’s here. Roll it up, go out the window, put in my headphones and I spark it up and I thought I was completely alone and then I felt a hand on
my shoulder very abruptly and I almost fucking fell off the roof, like holy shit, and you were there doing the exact same thing. (laughing) You had your headphones in and
you were also smoking a joint and we were both just like
are we best friends now? – Yeah, what’s up dude? (laughing) – And then, yeah, we
just started doing that. – Yeah, I remember, I must’ve been, were we both in high school? Or you were coming back from college? – It’s probably like a
senior, freshman thing. I think I was still, ’cause I remember we were like, when I went to college I feel like that had already happened. – Yeah. – If for some reason I lost my memory, what’s the first thing
you’d tell me about us? – Whoa. That we talk a lot, that we’re like really close. That you’re like my best friend probably, I would tell you that. – That we’re brothers. – That we’re brothers,
probably the first one. I would tell you to stop talking about my little butt so much. – That’s probably the
first thing I would say. – So like you would notice that? – Yeah. Hey, I don’t know who I am or where I am but I also don’t know where your butt is. – Oh! (laughing) Yeah, so I’d tell you not to say that. – Okay. – Yeah, I would just fill you in. I’d be like there was a bunch of shit
that happened in the past but whatever, we’ll cover
that in little pieces but you love to read sci-fi,
you love your fiance, you love the booze. We’d be boozing. – Yeah. – I’d pour you a shot and
be like you like these. Yeah. – I would tell you, I would
probably give you a guitar and be like you’re good at this. Hopefully you didn’t forget that. I’d probably introduce you to Julia again. She makes you really happy. – Yeah, that’d be cool. – You should try and remember her. But then, yeah, everything that you said. Just like, you know, go out
and have some experiences and then hit me up and
we’ll talk about ’em ’cause that’s pretty much
what we do so, you know. – That’s kinda of this works so, yeah. – Go do something, get
upset about something and then we’ll talk about it. (laughing) – That’s fair. How am I most like you and
how does that scare you? – Hmm. We have the same parents I guess. – That scares you. – Yeah, I don’t know. I mean everyone has shit that
they go through growing up and we were both there for the same shit and I know how that’s impacted me, and we’ve talked about
this a million times. – Yeah. – But, yeah, that’s scary, that you’ve also had to go
through that and remember it and digest it and I don’t
think it’s something that you ever fully digest
but it’s scary that, ideally you wouldn’t
remember like anything. I don’t know, if we’re gonna
have a candid conversation, maybe we don’t tell them
that we shot this video. – Yeah, mom, do you know
mom made an Instagram? – Yeah. – And she followed me. – She followed me yesterday. – And she had one follower
and it was some person from across the world that
had like four followers and like a wacky Instagram. – Some Russian bot trying to corrupt. – Something, it looked like a real person. I was like who is this person? But she’ll find it. Dad’ll certainly find this. – Yeah.
– Yeah. He like scours Twitter for everything. – Yeah. – But I think this is a fair question. I think I would approach it the same way. – I mean like personality traits, I guess. – I think in a sense that, and how do you think that’s scary to you? I think me and you are the most tender or the most sensitive about our relationship
to our parents maybe, or their relationship and
their divorce or whatever. Just the drama of that. At least for me that’s kind
of like my tenderest spot and I think you have the same spot and I know that it makes me feel confused and kind of frightened and terrified and I try to hold that in and I try to rationalize it so I think when I see you kind of react to it, or when I see you feel pain over it, or scared, or just emotional
and you can’t really hold it in anymore, I think that scares me. – ‘Cause you feel like
you’re gonna boil over too? – Yeah.
– Yeah. – And it’s like you’re my older brother and I feel like if this
is fucking him up too, damn, where do I have to turn? Who can I turn to kinda thing. – It’s comforting, like, we’re the only people in the world that know what the fuck
we’re talking about when we talk about that, you know? – Yeah. Or how it feels maybe. – Yeah, I mean, we went through
the same couple years so. – Yeah. – I don’t know, I mean I don’t like go to therapy or anything. I don’t really know the
proper way to digest or talk through any kind of issues but you’re the only avenue
for that kind of approach to it anyway. – Yeah. – You know. So, I mean that’s valuable. I stand by like ideally
you wouldn’t remember it and I would just put it
onto a little black brick and hold onto it. – That sounds healthy. – Yeah, but I’ll just die
eventually, it’s fine. (laughing) – Oh, that’s good. You definitely don’t go to therapy. – Yeah. (laughing) – Oh, okay, I think it’s your turn. – When have you seen
me the most vulnerable and what have you learned from it? – Oh. I’m not gonna go into
detail but that Christmas, that shitty Christmas
we had was pretty bad. – Yeah. – I think I learned a lot
about myself that night. ’cause in that. – Make it about you I guess. – Yeah, this is, everything is about me, I hope you know that. But I learned. – You were kind of like a weird
arbiter in that situation. – Yeah. – I didn’t realize that
that’s what, I don’t know. – I was arbiting this very,
yeah, shitty situation and I think that I learned
that, first of all, that I was capable of doing that. – Yeah. – And I also learned
that if I don’t do this, if I don’t make sure that
this does not continue the way it’s going that no-one
else is going to be able to fix this right now. – You thought it was like a? – It was a like a train
about to drive off a cliff and I was like I need to
like rear out the train ’cause if I don’t, I don’t know
what the fuck’s gonna happen and I was like if I start crying or if I, if I say the wrong thing, or if I take a side or something then it’s gonna explode. – Yep. – You know, you’re just like
the same little kid inside, I think we all are, and I think I saw him
again in that situation and I learned that, you know, you have a lot of love
for me, for mom, for dad, for your entire family
and at the end of the day that’s really all that
you truly care about and I think that’s something
that you think about a lot too I think it’s very present for you. – Mm hmm. I mean there was some pretty visceral, but effective,
communication that happened. – Yeah, it just doesn’t have
to be volcano every time it can be like a couple
sparks here and there. – Yeah. I would say when you got shingles. – Oh fuck. Yeah that’s er. – Yeah, and I think that
was directly tied to how hard you took, it was like, you were punishing yourself, kind of, like emotionally. You were so stressed
out about that break-up, the fact that you had to let somebody go that you cared for as a
person but you weren’t in love with any more. You were just guilting
yourself so hard by that that you literally erupted
sores all over your body. – That’s pretty wild. – Yeah, so, I don’t know, it’s just that made me realize, to answer the question I guess, like how hard you take things, you know? – Okay, last one. This is fitting. If this were to be our last conversation, what’s the one thing you’d
never want me to forget? – Err, I love you. – Okay. I think I would say the same thing. I wouldn’t want you to forget that like you’re like my person,
you know what I mean? Like through everything. Like we both love our
significant others a lot, and that’s a different kind of love, but like there will be
no-one ever that I love more than you, ever. – Yeah. – So I wouldn’t want you to forget that because I think we very much
go through life together, and. – I was thinking, we’ve
lived in the same mile radius your entire life. – Yeah. I don’t think that’s a coincidence. – Yeah. – Regardless if this is
our last conversation, which I hope it’s not, I just don’t think we
should ever forget that. – Yeah, I agree. – All right. Let’s go get drunk. – Yeah. (laughing) – Hey everyone. If you liked the
conversation that was sparked using our questions, try it out for yourself. We have a relationship card game deck for every relationship in your life, I can’t hold them all ’cause we have more than I have hands for. So go to theskindeep.com/shop
if you wanna check it out and thanks for watching.

43 thoughts on “A Brother’s Heart to Heart | {THE AND} Tom & Dan”

  1. I really enjoyed this episode, it's raw. It's something that siblings avoid talking about and also favouritism – which sibling receives more love, especially in a single parent household.

  2. Loved you Brothers and the trust and love you have for each other. Was curious about whether one was older or you were twins.

    The hugely frustrating thing was the video left the audience with more questions than it answered because for most of the video you talked around private topics. So we never quite knew the back story or factual references to anything. Even your relationship as Brother (older/younger/twins?) or jobs (to put that segment into it's true context).

  3. I would totally buy these cards but I just don't have anybody with whom I can talk this openly and show me this vulnerable…

  4. So many questions unanswered! When they met? Both 25? Are they twins? So fustrating not knowing the back story.

  5. These brothers/sisters episodes are always the best ones… Cause it's just… family 😉

    This ep should have a part 2… It didn't feel like that was 15 min. 😁

  6. Seems like the poor long-haired cameraman from other videos finally got a proper date because the focus is so off

  7. I think you see how divorce affects young girls bc we tend to show it more and therefore have a higher chance of dealing with it sooner. BUT it’s such a saddening moment when you finally see/hear grown men or adult boys try to maneuver through their experience with divorce.

  8. Anytime you see brothers have honest conversations it just hits me so deep… you feel so close to eachother and yet so far away. The " i will love no one else the way i love you" answer couldnt be more true.

  9. I loved this video, such pure friendship and brotherhood. I like other the skin deep videos but it was nice to have one without drama or tragedy.

  10. I loved this episode! It’s awesome that they are so close. It reminds me of my relationship with my twin actually, even though they’re not twins. I love their honesty.

  11. I really admire the fact that they can have this honest conversation about what each are jealous about one another. It shows they growth both as an individual as well as brothers. Not many siblings can do this.

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